So today I am wrestling with my own thoughts. I am in a situation right now of deciding what to do in my job - my career. The last couple of years I have worked prn- or "as needed" night shifts in my job as a nurse - mainly because that allows me to set my own schedule - and with 3 kids, a traveling husband and taking care of my parents - I needed that flexibility. Now my kids are all in school full day, my dad is self-sufficient. My husband still travels - and my kids are busier than ever, but the reality is, that I need to work - financially. Typically I would work 2 or 3 nights (16-32 hours or so) a week. Lately though, I am lucky to work once a week because of low census and other issues. So here I am left trying to make huge decisions about where I go now. Do I look into a full or part time position, do I change jobs in the hospital, do I go elsewhere? My plan at this point was to be back in school - but right now - I need to work for a bit.
Friday night at work there was a job posting for a new unit supervisor for my department. I had heard that the prior supervisor was stepping down - but I had not considered the job. I had heard the successor had been "chosen" already - then I saw the posting - of course - it was already past he application deadline... but yesterday I started to wrestle with feeling like I was supposed to take that path - the person who I think is getting the job - is much less experienced than I am - and I am struggling with what is holding me back? My husband and friend are pushing me to call and talk to my boss anyway - my boss and I are not the best at communicating with one another - perhaps the reason I am hesitant. Regardless, I feel restless and unsettled about my job situation.
It is times like this that I wish I knew the path that I was supposed to take - that I could read the last page first - instead of having to write my story, page by page along the way to my ending.
Here is something I wrote some time ago....
What is life but a book unwritten
Blank pages waiting to be filled
Is the script already laid out before us
Or do we write it as we go along
Black ink staining the perfect white paper
Filling each line with our thoughts
Our dreams, our actions, our hopes and fears
Sometimes I long to read the last page first
To know how all of this ends
But I know that it would have no words
I have to fill all the pages before it
Making the way from my beginning
To my destiny, that is the novel of me
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