Racially Ambiguous...

This is more of an "inside joke" in my family. My daughter and I love the new Kotex commercials - they are quite hilarious if you have not seen them... there is one with a woman who is "racially ambiguous" and therefore the marketing approach is that she appeals to everyone. I am the one in my family who is considered "racially ambiguous" - I have been asked my entire life what nationality I am. I have been told I look Greek, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Spanish, Italian, Caucasian... it all depends on who is doing the asking. Just today at Walmart I was approached by a woman who asked me where I was from. She thought I looked European and that I looked nice - she was from Yugoslavia - and seeking employment - we talked a while. It really got me thinking . I believe that we all want to connect to the people in the world around us. We want to fit in. As much as we think we want to stand out as unique and individual - I think we really desire to just blend in - to not stand out - to feel like we belong.

I wish sometimes I was exotic and foriegn - that I could speak another language - that I could connect on another level to people when they so desparately need it. I wish I could speak Spanish - since I live in Texas. More than appearances though, I believe that we are really looking to identify with the heart of people - to find acceptance in one another's eyes. To search the heart and find love from our fellow human beings. So I am glad to call myself "racially ambiguous" so long as my heart comes across that I will reach out to all people and that in my eyes they will find acceptance and love.

I Want it, I Need it...

Going through Brenna's homework folder, I find they have been learing about "wants" vs "needs" - a very interesting concept for a 7 year old - well for any of us really. I recall both learning and teaching Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs in nursing school . The idea that we can't become "self-actualized" until our most basic needs are met. (physiological needs - food, water, air; security needs - shelter, safe environment, health care; social needs - friends, Church groups, loved ones; esteem needs - sense that we matter and finally self-actualization needs - where we finally become self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others and interested fulfilling our potential.

I could go on and on with a list of material things I want - don't we all have a list of those? The truth is, I don't really "want" for anything material! I have it really good - I am not deceived about this. The struggle comes in finding contentment in what I have - knowing that when my NEEDS are met - all my wants are totally fulfilled. On my hierarchy - I have every physical comfort - clean air and water, abundant food, a wonderful home, access to health care and insurance, the love of family, friends and a Church group, a job - with some sense of fullfillment and job security. So in regards to Maslow - I should be "self-actualized" - I should be on my own path to enlightenment and fulfillment - I should care less and less what others think of me - and more about what I think of myself. I should be becoming the Julie I am meant to be. Man that seems lofty!!

Here is what I am still "wanting for" and finding myself in need of.

I WANT to be closer to people - I NEED to be more loving and put myself out there
I WANT to be a great wife and mother - I NEED to be patient and humble
I WANT to be a great nurse and get my career/schooling going somewhere - I NEED to work prn right now and can't over-commit myself
I WANT to be in shape - I NEED to get my butt in gear and work out more!
I WANT my home to be neat, organized and lovely, I NEED to get organized and spend some major time doing household projects
I WANT a closer connection to God - I NEED to offer myself up in prayer and daily devotion

Surely, the list is longer and more complicated than this - but it quickly became evident to me - that again, all my wants will be satisfied when I am the Julie I am supposed to be - when I am doing that which I am supposed to be doing - when I am recognizing that my needs will satisfy my wants - that I am already everything I am intended to be...