A New Day

First off, I am not a blogger! My words are not always poetic, eloquent, or even intelligable! So why you might ask am I even bothering?? One month ago I lost my mom. She died of complications from Lou Gerhig's disease (ALS) - she lived with me for 3 months. During the last days of her life, I started a caringbridge site to update loved ones of her status. I also poured out some very real, raw emotions during that time. I found comfort in the words on the page - though the thoughts might seem scattered - they grounded me, connected me, and reminded me of that which was good and true. So, a month has passed and where am I now??

Today is a new day. My mom's memorial service was Saturday up in Maine. The trip was rough in many ways - it also ended very badly. Then, my week started really badly too. Monday I had a falling out with my boss - it was not pretty, my son came home sick, I was reeling from some heartbreak from the day before, I was behind in all the things I needed to do. I was wishing for a fast forward button - to just get to some point in the future where my life was not quite as sucky as it was at that moment. Tuesday, I went to lunch with 2 dear friends - then I did some holiday shopping and I got to hear my beautiful daughter sing her solo at the Christmas concert. Wednesday seemed crazy - running around getting Christmas shopping done - making batches of chex mix!! But we made it to Church for a holiday party last night - and that was so good. Then today - I went to breakfast with my dad, we ran some errands - we just spent the morning together. So each day has gotten better.

I say that this is a new day - and it is true - physically and symbolically. We are entering a new day in our family. A day without my mother. A day with just my dad living here with us. A day of new roles for each of us. A day of new dreams, new hopes. A day of new work schedule or new job. A lot of NEW.

There is comfort in days gone by - we sing of them, write of them, view them in old photographs. We wrap the memories around us like an old blanket. The new day holds mostly the unknown - there in no comfort in that - but lots of anxiety. What I do know is that we are not guaranteed a tomorrow - so we need to live for each day that we have. Also the Bible promises that each day has enough worry of its own - so not to worry about the future - so I am trying to live in the moment - basking in the glory of my new day.