Darkness

Sometimes when darkness hits - it is sudden - like when someone turns the light off in a bright room. Other times it is gradual - like someone slowly turning down the dimmer switch. Still, other times - it is a giant wave that washes over you, pulling you down - then letting you up for just a gulp of air and light before pulling you back under.

Right now, I feel very tossed about by the waves. The darkness comes and goes - leaving me wondering, questioning, confused. I would say it is a normal reaction to where I am at in my life. Having had some major life changes and losses in the past year, I would expect, and do expect to have these moments. But then I am left wondering, is it more than that?

I told a friend last night that I feel unsettled and that I am unhappy - but I am not unhappy all the time. I am happy in my home, with my family, with a few close friends, by myself - in my comfort zone.

So I am left wondering when the darkness will hit, how long it will last - this time. I guess I will just make sure to leave a nightlight on!